my own worst enemy

Someone was read this ‘contemplation-of-a-white-faded-area-of-my-brain’. She say that it sad. she never told which one. Hmm, is not what I’m expect, I’m writing, people’s read and being sad. hmm, so I intend not to write some shitty-stuff again… well if I got some feel about shitty-stuff again, like I’m feel latterly I would say it in the good way. If I can. That’s why my ‘blog-post’ infrequent recently. let me try okay.

Story of my gopher-year , 2008… still push me so hard, even harder and harder. Well lets put it this way, I’m a gamer, I don’t know, do I treat my life like some of a games?

In a game, when you stuck you still can click ‘save and quit’ and continued later and Even if you are so stuck. You still can find a walkthrough-file. Read it which part you stuck, and do what you have to do. Even harder. If you still can trough that, there is a cheat-codes. Just put the code, and you can skip that part which make you stuck. Jump to another level. Or just skip everything and finish the game. See the ending movies. And your mission completed.

But the real life. Nor. There’s no way you can click ‘save and quit’ the only option just. ‘Are you sure want to quit and exit this game’ Yes or No. you quit you out of the game. Yes there a walkthrough-files. Al-Quran. one of walkthrough-file of life. But is not a full walkthrough though. It just a kind of hint-tips-files. Maybe some Cheat-code? No. cheat is off in real games of life.

So? There’s only one choice. Play the game till you ‘game-over’ your life-credits all gone. Till the game said ‘sorry-your lose’ GAME OVER.

So which level I’m on? Like Tomb-Rider game series I’m like about 40% of completion. And facing a small bosses to get trough for the next chapter. Well, lira croft still have medic-kit. Me? No. threes no medic-kit left. I’m playing in a HARDEST level game mode. Everyone had it’s own level of their game.

My contemplation-faded-mind stop breathing for a while. All being desatudated

It just like there will be good idea that I’m going to the Himalaya learning Buddha, being fully vegetarian, fasting for 40 days… huahahahaha… nope I don’t want turn up being a monk.

It’s runaway. No solution.

My own game. And threes a few credits left. Very few. And the worst enemy, the strongest Boss, is my self… ehm, yes indeed. ME! The problemo is, senor. I never able to fight ME… isn’t that I can. Don’t want precisely! Yes I don’t want to fight. Fight with ME. If I cant I don’t know who else can. There no one can help me… if the worst enemy inside of me. Theres only me. Who can fight ME.

….now I’m sorry, I’m surely feels that I cant give some hope or something…for all my beloved.